I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Randomize
