handjob tips. give me some.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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