dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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