You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
