It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
