I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
