I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
