Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
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oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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