all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
