how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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