it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
