sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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