I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
