I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
You have to summon your inner elephant
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
