Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
