ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Randomize
