I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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