I want to stick my p in your. b.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
