I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
