I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
false alarm, still single
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