no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
