I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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