dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
