Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
