I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
