i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
