you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
i out mim tonsoeep
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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