I'd wear matching sweaters with you
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i will never coherently bang her
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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