I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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