my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
