??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
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duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
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I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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