my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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