He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Don't tell me you're on acid again
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
