the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
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