Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
