I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
