Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
