I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
