He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Randomize
