I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
