i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Randomize
