I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
