Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Randomize
