I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
