We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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