that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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