sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
