Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
