I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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