It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
