I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
These tits shall not be calmed
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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