I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
