you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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