He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize