dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
