We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
