oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
