I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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