I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize