peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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