i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
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