how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
