jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
