if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
