I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
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